The Recovery Process

Recovering from narcissistic abuse isn't easy, especially on your own. It's complex, multi-layered, time consuming and…deeply painful at times.

 

Many people try to do this without seeking support, believing no one will truly understand them. And you might be surprised how many people in this position are worried that they, themselves, are a narcissist!

 

Recovery on your own is absolutely possible. If you're embarking on this alone, be sure to give yourself lots of time and bucketloads of compassion. In the coming months, I'll be adding more resources to help you navigate the recovery process.

 

If you find yourself oscillating between certainty and self-doubt, stuck in pain, or you're worried you might return to a harmful situation, it's worth seeking professional support.

 

Specialised counselling can help you speed up the recovery process considerably. It's like having a samurai sword to efficiently cut through many layers of confusion and doubt, freeing up mental space and energy for what's ahead.

 

Here's an outline of the process I recommend: 

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1. Clarity

 

Get clear about: 

• what's happening with you

• what's going on with them

• how it all happened (and got so bad!)

• the impact it's had

• what you can and can't change

 

A counsellor can work with you to safely unpack and process your experiences and emotions, allowing you to reach a place of deep understanding and limiting the amount time you’ll spend in self-doubt or limbo.

 

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2. Strategy

 

Work out how to handle your situation now and in the future. This might mean figuring out the safest way to exit the relationship, finding the most effective way to co-parent, or learning how to survive if leaving isn't an option. 

 

A counsellor who understands narcissistic abuse can help you develop a strategy to move forward in the best way for you, based on your specific circumstances.

 

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3. Grief

 

You'll need to take stock of your losses and grieve. You can try and avoid this step but you'll be delaying the inevitable. There are many forms of loss involved in narcissistic abuse - some are obvious, many aren't. 

 

It can be difficult for people around you to understand the breadth and depth of the pain and loss you've experienced. A specialised counsellor will understand without the need for you to over-explain. This can safeguard you from re-entering a space of self-doubt and questioning if your feelings are justified.

 

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4. Rebuilding

 

Finding missing pieces of yourself, rebuilding your self-esteem and discovering renewed confidence are cherished rewards after you've been through such a harrowing experience. 

 

People find themselves feeling broken, empty and exhausted after a narcissistic relationship. Having a counsellor to help you rediscover yourself and feel strong again can replenish your energy, hope and optimism. You might be surprised that a single session could do for you.  

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5. Empowerment

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Learn how to detect warning signs and trust your instincts to avoid falling into narcissistic relationships in the future. 

 

Counselling can support you with identifying your blind spots and areas of vulnerability, and offer guidance on how to protect yourself from potential harm. 

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Have a look at this checklist to gain a sense of the severity of what you've been through. You may also be interested in the free worksheets to help you reclaim your identity. 

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